My Mindset

Therapies we offer...(contd)

Internal Family Systems Therapy

The Internal Family Systems (IFS) approach to therapy tends to look at client’s presenting issues as being evidence of a part of them that is attempting to protect another part that is vulnerable.  In the Internal Family System  map, the protected parts are called exiles because they are the vulnerable ones that we try to lock up in inner prisons or leave frozen in the past. Two kinds of parts protect exiles and also protect the system from them: managers and firefighters.

Think of times in your life when you felt embarrassed, grief-stricken, terrified, rejected, etc. What have you tried to do with those memories, sensations, and emotions? If you are like most people, you’ve tried to forget about them – to bury them deep in your mind. Think also about what others have told you to do about them. So we try to exile the fallout from the dreadful episodes in the past. But in doing that, we’re not only exiling memories, sensations, and emotions; we’re also exiling the parts of us that were most hurt by those events. These are often our most sensitive, innocent, open, and intimacy-seeking parts which contain qualities like playfulness, spontaneity, creativity, etc. It's not just the traumatized parts of us that we exile.

Think about what it was like to grow up in your family. What were the unspoken rules in your family about liveliness and spontaneity, anger, or assertiveness etc. What about your peers? How much were those relationships dominated by parts that wanted to look good to the outside world and needed you to conform to a certain image? After they are locked away, those exiles can endanger your system or at least impair your ability to function. So you become even more committed to not going there and keeping them at bay. These three groups of parts' roles (exiles, managers, and firefighters) exist because of all the pain and shame you accrued in your life and the ways you were taught to relate to that pain and shame. Since you didn't learn how to heal that pain and shame, you had to exile it, which led to the need for all these protectors. These three groups are polarized such that when one takes over, it tries to dominate your experience for fear that if it gives you access to other parts, you'll do or think something dangerous. When your internal system functions in this way, your experience of the world is impoverished.  Those hijacked by firefighters have minds in constant agitation as they move from one distraction to another, never slowing down for fear of exiles catching up. Those whose exiles have taken over are constantly in acute and seemingly regressed states of fear, sadness, or shame.

So firefighters take us far away from our present-centred, embodied state of Self. Once released  from their extreme roles, firefighters often transform into our most lively, joyful, and resilient parts and can be powerful motivators. Think of what your life might be like if all the energy you spent, for example, angrily stewing about what others have done to you, was available to you in the present moment and was channelled toward fully enjoying whatever you are doing now. As you access and use the innate healing resources of your Self, you gradually find that you no longer have managers, exiles, and firefighters.  When life becomes stormy, you sense the deep peace of your Self that lies beneath the waves you are riding Because your parts no longer carry burdens of fear, shame, rage, despair, and so on, they get along with one another and trust the leadership of your Self.. In that state, things that used to trigger automatic responses in you lose their charge, and you can break lifelong patterns related to work, intimate relationships, your body, creativity, and more.

Gestalt Therapy

Gestalt therapy is a humanistic, holistic, person-centred form of psychotherapy that is focused on an individual's present life and their challenges rather than delving into past experiences. This approach stresses the importance of understanding the context of a person’s life and taking personal responsibility rather than placing blame.

Gestalt, by definition, refers to the form or shape of something and suggests that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Gestalt therapy gives attention to how we place meaning and make sense of our world and our experiences.It focuses on the integration between the “whole” person and his or her environment. This therapy sees a healthy individual as being someone who has awareness in his or her life and lives in the here and now rather than focusing on the past or future

The goal of Gestalt therapy is for the client to collaborate with the therapist to increase personal awareness and actively challenge the roadblocks that have been getting in the way of healing until now. Gestalt therapy intends for the client to gain greater awareness of their experience of being in the world. Gestalt therapists do not have a goal of changing their clients. In fact, clients are encouraged to focus on becoming more aware of themselves, staying present, and processing things in the here and now.

Gestalt therapy is practiced in the form of  experiential exercise and experiments which help to sharpen  the  individual’s awareness around their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors and  identify the blockages that may be preventing the individual from living a full and authentic life. It can be administered in individual or group settings. The Gestalt therapy approach allows the therapist to be present to the client and brings herself/ himself into the work, thus developing a trusting, supportive relationship with the client. Gestalt Therapy strongly encourages the client to take responsibility for making changes in their life and encourages them to tap in to their own resources and their own inner strength, thus empowering them. Gestalt therapy believes that the answers always come from within the client and the key to this is creating increased client awareness around their “process” and how they relate to their environment.

Family Constellation Therapy

Alfred Adler saw that several factors influence the formation of personality. He believed that these were put into place in the early years of our lives, usually by the age of seven.

Heredity: may account for some physical traits or other similarities within families. Adler says that it is what we do with these inherited traits that is important, rather than the trait itself. We may choose to feel inferior, or choose to over-compensate, to work ourselves extremely hard in order to overcome the perceived inferiority. Or we can choose to compensate by becoming good at something totally different. Birth Order: Adler was the first to see the importance of birth order and its influence on the child at an early age.

Family atmosphere: This is the climate within the home. Siblings can either be similar or very different from each other. It is the relationship between the parents that becomes the basis for the family atmosphere. Is there competition or cooperation between the parents? Domination or submission? Mutual respect or suffocating ‘love’? Conformity or creativity? Openness or the lack of it regarding feelings? Friendship or humiliation and dislike? Order or chaos? What are the parents’ ambitions for their children? Are there high standards of behaviour? What are the parents’ attitudes toward their sex roles?

Family Values: These are the ideals of the family, what is important to both parents, whether they agree or not. Family Values are important because the child has to take a stand on whether or not to conform, and with which parent he/she sides if there is disagreement of what the values are. The Family Values are those surrounding (not necessarily in this order): education, money, sports/leisure activities, honesty, health, success, conformity, religion, obedience, caring for others etc. Family history can play a strong role in setting family values. Children can conform or rebel against these values. If the children are overambitious, they can exaggerate these values in their own lives and become superior to the parents. By observing the parents, older siblings and other adults, the child observes how people behave (by observing the sex roles, the child sees how women or men behave), he/she observes what kind of behaviour is effective in how adults . The behaviour of parents to their child can have an enormous impact on how that child develops emotionally: some parental behaviours can be discouraging to a child. Family Stories can be used in some to put into place the role a child is expected to fulfil. These stories become part of the child’s image of self and his/her destiny in the family. Family myths are often created by the parents, and the child either accepts these or not. These myths can be about the family being superior to others due to class or ancestry, or can come about after the death of a family member who then becomes mythologised into a perfect being, other members of the family being unfairly compared. Very often, the parents’ behaviour produces a counter-behaviour that is a logical consequence. Sometimes a child’s behaviour can be the opposite to what is expected. For example, if the child is pushed to have excessively high standards of behaviour or achievement, he/she can become very discouraged, and feel that these standards can never be achieved, so the high expectation produces the opposite to the desired outcome for the parents.

Family Constellation: The interaction of the above factors create what Adler calls the Family Constellation: the way the different members of the family influence each other, and this is the key to the formation of personality. What is crucial is how a child feels about his/her place in the family, especially as the family is the first ‘world’ that the child knows, and a child bases the way he/she interacts with the world in general on behaviours acquired as a young child. The ‘extended’ family such as grand parents, aunts and uncles, friends, teachers, all the people who have contact with the developing child can have an influence on how the child interprets the world. Some of these influences can be unconscious, for example, the ‘responsible child’ being given even more responsibility, the ‘shy one’ or the ‘tomboy’ being given those labels by parents, thus drawing attention to particular behaviours. It is interesting to look at the ‘power base’ and where it lies in families. Who feels superior, who feels inferior. Who gets pampered, who gets disciplined more. What role models do the various members of the family follow. In addition to the above factors, Adler would look at other aspects influencing a person’s ‘lifestyle’, such as feelings of inferiority or superiority, early memories, dreams, how a person sees themselves in their three life tasks (family, work, friendships/social life).